I’m afraid of humiliation. Pretty much above and beyond all other fears, and even though I realize it’s not rational, I am. Reading gapingvoid’s suggestions on how to be creative (really great stuff) made me wonder if my fear of humiliation had taken root too strongly in my adult years to ever get back to being truly creative. I hope not.
I went to the gym last Sunday (a week ago) for the first time in years, and really for the first time with resolute intentions of doing my body some good. Like anyone approaching 30, I’ve got a few more pounds than I ought to have, and as a geek my diet has largely consisted of fast food and soft drinks for far too long. Being that I have a 1 year old that just learned to walk, and I’m an aspiring beer league hockey player, I really just need to get myself into shape.
It took a ridiculous amount of courage to convince myself to get up and go to the gym. Why? I had all sorts of reasons for procrastinating, but they all really came down to the fact that I was afraid of humiliating myself.
The irony here is of course that for the past week I’ve been walking around avoiding moving my arms or upper body whenever possible. So, while I was afraid of looking like an complete idiot in front of a bunch of strangers at the gym, instead I ended up looking like a complete idiot in front of my family, friends and colleagues. For some reason I kind of liked it – not the pain and humiliation, but the surviving of both.
If you’re looking for me tomorrow evening, I’ll be at the gym.
by Glen
10 Aug 2004 at 13:47
Phew, reading your post has made me realize that i’m not the only one! So could this possibly mean that I’m not a freak, or have I simply met another?
by Jason
10 Aug 2004 at 15:37
Haha – I’d sure like to think we’re not the only ones.
by tim
12 Aug 2004 at 10:17
I frequently make reference to the motivational saying, “Procrastination is like Masterbastion because in the end you’re really only fucking yourself” Sounds like this is a pure case!!
by Alex
26 Jan 2006 at 08:50
Whoa , I just stumbled in here . But thanks so much for the courage it took to write that. If there’s one thing I’m acutely aware of, it’s that guys never ever like talking about stuff that makes em come off as vulnerable and scared. Sounds like you might have social phobia. Wow, this feels so…I dunno…normalizing I guess for me. People like tim really make the whole thing worse by poking fun at and insulting someone when they already feel like s**t. Best of luck!
by Kaniela
08 Jul 2009 at 21:22
Humiliation is the Worstess of Worses. It’s the footing of Fear,doubt,worries, and rejections, and than sum!! In Japan, they have this coach/consultant/motivator who teaches you to face it, begining with something easy, and working your way up to Facing that Humiliation/Embarrassment head-on!! And those brave individuals who decide to face it, ARE NEVER THE SAME AGAIN. Their confidence, courage, and assertiveness is UN-STOPPABLE, so its good to have common-sense built in you unconscious-level, lol!